While Julia Cameron’s definition of the word Kriya may be a bit off technically I don’t think her definition and the actual definition are completely unrelated. While she describes a psychosomatic occurrence that comes after a time of duress, this could be a sign that we need to take action (the literal definition of the word) and change our circumstances. Sometimes there are circumstances outside of our control of course, but sometimes we just need a change. A change of scenery, a change of habits, a change in fortune, a change. No matter what our situation we can almost always take some sort of action to make things better for ourselves. A Kriya, in Cameron’s sense of the word, is the warning sign that our body and mind have reached a sort of limit or that we’ve reached some fork in the road. I know for me personally, many time a Kriya comes in the form of a cold sore. I have since I was little been prone to getting cold sores. In recent years I have come to associate them with particularly stressful or upsetting situations. A breakup, a big project i’ve procrastinated on, a stressful finals week, juggling a particularly hectic schedule. There’s the cold sore like clockwork. I know i’m in a particularly stressful situation when I find myself thinking: I bet i’m gonna get a cold sore. And I’m usually right. Either that or I’ll get sick.
Now for task two. I find it difficult to think of myself as eighty years old. I hope I live a long, happy, and fulfilling life, but I’m one of those people that is usually either looking back and analyzing things i’ve said or done or looking forward to the next big thing. If I don’t have a “what’s next” I find myself being very unhappy. That’s probably partially why the last couple months (and the upcoming few most likely) have been hard for me; because i’m graduating and I don’t know what’s next. I don’t know what the next source of excitement is going to come from. I don’t know the next show i’ll be doing cause I don’t know where I’ll be or who I’ll be with. That being said, reflecting on my distant future is difficult because I’ll kind of be done with the “what’s next”. I won’t have anything to look forward to. I don’t want children so I won’t have grandchildren. It’s hard for me to imagine myself married so I might be all alone with nothing to look forward to and no one to care about me and nothing to look forward to and that’s really scary. So i guess if there’s any advice I can give myself (to apply to my life now) is to stop worrying about the past and the future so much and just live in the present. Because the fact is you can’t change the past and you can’t predict the future so there’s no use worrying about bad things that might never happen or things that you might have done differently. I would tell myself to find the joy in every day. Handle the disappointments with grace and seize every opportunity that comes your way. Don’t forget to breathe. There’s no time like the present. And find happiness in any form you can get it in. And once you find that happiness share it.
I find this blog post to be a particularly emotional one for me to write for some reason. I think i’m having a sort of mini Krya as a result of letting everything build up. If you keep on worrying about all the stuff you have to do but you keep on putting it off anyway then it’s not gonna get better. Anywho. What would I tell my eight year old self? You are so special and beautiful and loved. The other people your age don’t understand you because you have wisdom beyond your years and a great big heart. Don’t worry about whether they like you or not. I know even now that fitting in and having everyone like you seems awfully important and that you let yourself get hurt but your life is going to be so completely different from all those other kids. You are going to be an artist. You are going to create art and beauty that bring you and others joy. You will love yourself and you will be loved by others. I’m not saying it will all be easy and fun, because it won’t be. You’ll have to work hard. For God’s sake keep taking dancing lessons. You’ll need it later. Keep singing. Keep wondering. Challenge the world around you, that’s okay. Have fun in whatever way you’d like to have fun. You will never grow out of playing dress up and that’s a beautiful thing. When Mawmaw says other people aren’t nice to you because they’re jealous I know you don’t believe her but she’s right. And I love you.
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